Marriage= Confusion

Im getting marry this 13/12/2013..excited??? I beg to differ..I dun really feel excited just felt nothing special.. Images of he betraying me cheating on me always appear in my mind... why why why till now i still cant settle down..Well u can said that women are selfish and always will remember the bad things rather than the good things.. Just feel extremely moody today.. why??? Everything almost settle... My BFF just got marry in USA.. rom.. finally she is the first one... I hate this feeling.. hate his bad temper.. hate his disloyathy.. just simply hate myself for being so high suspicious and paranoid......